When emotions run high during a divorce or custody case, people sometimes make decisions that feel justified in the moment—but later create serious legal problems.
In Massachusetts family law cases, judges pay close attention not only to the facts of the dispute, but also to how each party behaves during the process. Poor decisions can affect custody, parenting time, support issues, credibility, and even the overall tone, expense, and outcome of the litigation.
If you are involved in a divorce or custody dispute, here are some behaviors you should avoid.
1. Do Not Use Your Children as Messengers
One of the worst mistakes parents make is placing children in the middle of adult conflict.
Avoid asking children to:
- Deliver messages to the other parent
- Report on the other parent’s activities
- Carry legal documents or financial information
- Take sides in arguments
Children should never feel responsible for managing communication between parents. Massachusetts courts generally expect parents to shield children from litigation whenever possible.
2. Do Not Speak Negatively About the Other Parent in Front of the Children
Even if you are angry, frustrated, or convinced the other parent behaved badly, criticizing them in front of the children can seriously backfire.
Judges often view repeated negative comments as harmful to the children and damaging to the child’s relationship with the other parent.
This includes:
- Insults or name calling
- Sarcastic comments
- Blaming the other parent for the divorce
- Discussing court proceedings with the children
- Encouraging children to reject the other parent
A parent who appears unwilling to support the child’s relationship with the other parent may face custody consequences.
3. Do Not Send Angry Texts, Emails, or Social Media Posts
Assume every message you send could someday appear in court.
In modern divorce litigation, text messages, emails, social media posts, screenshots, and private messages frequently become evidence.
Avoid:
- Threatening messages
- Harassing communications
- Name-calling
- Excessive texting
- Public accusations online
- Passive-aggressive social media posts directed at your spouse
Many people damage their own cases by creating unnecessary written evidence while angry or emotional.
If possible, keep communications short, factual, respectful, and child-focused.
4. Do Not Violate Court Orders
Temporary orders matter.
If the court issues orders regarding parenting schedules, financial support, exclusive use of the home, or communication restrictions, take them seriously.
Even if you believe the order is unfair, ignoring it can severely damage your credibility with the judge.
If circumstances change, the proper approach is usually to file a motion seeking modification—not to simply disregard the order.
5. Do Not Hide Money, Financial Information, or Potential Evidence
Massachusetts divorce cases require extensive financial disclosure.
Attempting to:
- Hide accounts
- Transfer money secretly
- Conceal income
- Underreport cash payments
- Fail to disclose assets
can create major problems in court.
Judges expect honesty in financial statements and discovery responses. A party caught hiding assets may lose credibility across the entire case.
Divorce litigation also creates a duty to preserve evidence.
Destroying evidence—sometimes referred to as “spoliation”—can result in severe court sanctions. In some cases, a judge may draw negative conclusions against a party who destroyed or altered evidence, and that conduct can even affect financial rulings or custody decisions.
Potential evidence that should generally be preserved includes:
- Financial records
- Tax returns
- Emails
- Text messages
- Social media posts
- Photographs
- Electronic communications
- Voicemails and recordings
Deleting evidence in anger or panic is almost always a mistake.
6. Do Not Introduce Children to New Romantic Partners During the Divorce
Few things increase tension in a custody case faster than introducing children to a new relationship immediately after separation.
While there is no automatic rule prohibiting dating during divorce, poor judgment in this area can create unnecessary conflict and may become relevant in custody disputes.
Parents should think carefully about:
- Timing
- Stability of the relationship
- The children’s emotional adjustment
- Whether the introduction is truly in the children’s best interests
Many judges view the premature introduction of children to a new romantic partner during a divorce as a serious lapse in judgment. In some situations, it can negatively affect how the court evaluates a parent’s decision-making and priorities.
7. Do Not Involve the Police Unless Truly Necessary
False or exaggerated allegations can permanently damage a case.
Of course, genuine abuse, threats, or danger should always be taken seriously. But using police involvement or restraining order proceedings as a litigation tactic can backfire if the evidence does not support the claims.
Massachusetts judges often examine the credibility and motivation behind allegations very carefully.
8. Do Not Ignore Your Finances
Some people become emotionally overwhelmed during divorce and stop paying attention to bills, taxes, insurance, or account activity.
That can be a costly mistake.
You should stay informed about:
- Household expenses
- Mortgage payments
- Credit card balances
- Retirement accounts
- Insurance coverage
- Tax obligations
Divorce is not just emotional—it is also financial.
9. Do Not Let Emotions Control Major Decisions
Many bad divorce outcomes are driven by anger, revenge, fear, or pride.
Examples include:
- Refusing reasonable settlement proposals
- Fighting over low-value personal property
- Running up legal fees unnecessarily
- Making impulsive decisions about the marital home
- Posting inflammatory content online
Not every disagreement is worth a courtroom battle.
A calm, strategic approach is usually far more effective than an emotional one.
10. Do Not Assume the Judge Will Never See Your Conduct
People often behave very differently during litigation than they would under normal circumstances.
But in contested divorces and custody disputes, much of your conduct may eventually be reviewed by:
- Judges
- Guardians ad litem
- Probation officers
- Custody evaluators
- Attorneys
- Mental health professionals
The way you behave during the case can strongly influence how others perceive your judgment, maturity, honesty, and credibility.
Final Thoughts
Divorce and custody disputes are stressful, and nobody handles every moment perfectly. But avoiding destructive behaviors can protect both your legal position and your long-term relationship with your children.
In many cases, the most effective strategy is not aggression—it is discipline, patience, preparation, and good judgment.
This article focuses on behaviors to avoid once a divorce or custody dispute is already underway. If you are still at the stage of considering whether to file for divorce, you may also want to read my related article, “What to Do and Not to Do If You Are Thinking About a Divorce,” available at Pransky.com.
